I first recognized this fear, and its association with irrational thoughts and behaviors, even realized that I didn’t decide for myself. I also understood that I would have been far less affected if I’d chose to walk away and that my feelings completely transformed because I felt out of control—like I lost something, and it wasn’t my choice. Since then, I’ve developed a little system for identifying this fear when it takes hold—and a few practices for overcoming it so that it doesn’t overcome me! Ask yourself, “What am I scared of losing? Whenever you have a choice to make, recognize in what way you’re motivated by the fear of losing something, whether it’s comfort, security, control, money, companionship, or something else. Regularly assess your intentions and motivations. Sometimes we think we want something because we’ve wanted it for years—and then we feel scared to lose that dream and all its related rewards. But sometimes, as we grow and learn about ourselves and the world, our wants change. Some losses feel devastating when we experience them—and sometimes, the gain isn’t proportionate to the loss. But somehow, we survive in the wake of almost every storm. Whether we thrive is up to us...
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